What is the Patriarchy?
When we refer to the Patriarchy, we are really talking about the patriarchal society that we live in. A patriarchal society is one in which the culture at large believes that the value of men lies in their ability to make money, to dominate others through physical and sexual violence, and to objectify women. In a patriarchal society, much of our value is determined by our gender. If you are a man, you are seen as inherently dominant, a breadwinner, capable, physically violent, and an authority. If you are a woman, you are seen as less capable than men, an object rather than a subject, and naturally weak or subordinate. These are of course broad generalizations. The patriarchal beliefs about men and women are the same as the beliefs about anyone whose gender expression is more masculine or more feminine. Patriarchy endorses a toxic masculinity - which describes the behaviors of men and masculine people that are in alignment with ideals of violence, superiority, and dominance - and a limited and damaging view of femininity - which describes women and femmes as weak and incapable of true leadership. Patriarchy informs rape culture, homophobia, transphobia, domestic violence, racism, and many other systems of oppression. And while the Patriarchy elevates men and masculinity as superior in a gendered, two-class system, it also incarcerates men. The rules and beliefs held by the Patriarchy are violent towards men. The Patriarchy expects men to dissociate from their bodies so as not to feel their emotions (boys don’t cry), to be the breadwinners for their family (real men are providers), and to assimilate into the harsh culture where men compete with other men for status, jobs, and women (it’s a dog eat dog world, a man’s world). As bell hooks puts it in ‘Understanding the Patriarchy,’ men are “imprisoned by a system that undermines their mental health.”
Why burn the Patriarchy?
It is difficult for men who are taught to compartmentalize and dissociate to access their own humanity, or recognize the humanity in others. This deadens the impulse towards empathy, and makes it easier to commit violent acts. These violent acts could look like self denial - of comfort, ease, and compassion - or it could look like sexual or physical violence against others. Compartmentalized and suppressed emotions can often manifest in physical illness and mental instability. Without a strong self connection - a bodily awareness of emotion, desire, need - men can become further and further isolated from connection with others. The combination of the desperation that this can breed, and the patriarchal emphasis on violence, can result in mass violence and suicide. Richie Reseda, formerly incarcerated feminist and activist, put it this way: “when 98% of mass murders are committed by men, and 90% of all murders are committed by men and 80% of those arrested for violent acts are men, it's safe to say there is something wrong with how our culture socializes men.”
Men who are raised to believe that in order to be men they must be the sole providers for their family are living under immense pressure. Our society has evolved to deemphasize gendered work responsibility somewhat, but it remains an underlying expectation for men in many patriarchal cultures that they earn enough to support themselves and their families. And it is not an unfair hope or expectation that an adult be able to support their children, partners, and their community, and be supported in turn. But when the expectation is gendered, and the value of an individual is tied to their inherent ability to generate enough income to support a family, it becomes an unquestioned assumption that men will do whatever it takes to make enough money. This can take various violent expressions, depending on the culture and economic status of the individual. In communities where capitalism, or racism, or environmental destruction, have removed most viable job options, men will often feel the need to turn to the informal economy - selling drugs, theft, armed robbery - to generate income. This perpetuates cycles of poverty and violence, including funneling men into prisons, which are a cultural microcosm of the Patriarchy. In communities where blue collar jobs are available, men generate income often by wrecking their bodies through hard physical labor. Rest and self care are not part of Patriarchal culture. Questioning the need to trade grueling hours of hard labor for a wage could call someone’s manhood into question. Men who have access to white collar jobs are often expected to work long days in office cubicles performing menial labor in hope of one day receiving a higher salary. This physically, spiritually, and emotionally sedentary work environment is repressive, and ultimately violent towards men. Each of these examples are informed by either capitalism, racism, or both, and it is necessary to recognize these intersecting logics of oppression. Where Patriarchy comes in is in the expectation that men take personal responsibility for their own economic freedom and dominance, which is most often difficult or impossible. Viewed from a lens of dismantling Patriarchy, men could subvert the personal shame of not being enough, and unionize, organize their communities against large corporations, and work to dismantle racist public policy.
Whether we are cisgendered men, women, transmasculine, transfeminine, nonbinary, or somewhere else on the gendered wheel, we are all subject to these cultural beliefs. Many women hold these expectations for men; that they be “man up,” be strong, be providers, and perform sexually. Adding to these the expectations that men be emotionally intelligent and gentle caring community members and partners without seriously questioning and dismantling these ideas is a stretch, to say the least. Individuals who strive for masculine expression - be they cis women who are more masculine, trans men, or any masculine leaning person who feels they have to work to be seen as masculine - are also subject to these beliefs. In order to be seen as masculine, these individuals might publicly objectify women or act out aggressively. This is the way the Patriarchy packages masculinity and maleness, and so it makes sense that these would be the means towards striving for that end. Women who identify as femme, and wish to step into their power, might be domineering and callous in their work environment or social circle. Again, the Patriarchy gives us only one pathway to power - and it is to have power over our environment and those around us.
To Burn the Patriarchy - to liberate ourselves from these violent and limiting ideas - we must have awareness. We must take a deep look at how these ideas take up space in our own minds and bodies, so we can begin to change the patterns. For all of us, we must come to see how the Patriarchy is a system of power that oppresses both those it seeks to dominate, and those it seeks to elevate. The Patriarchy is already crumbling around us. Let us seek to burn it, within ourselves and within our communities, so that we may create more honest, vibrant, and empowered communities.
What next?
Below is Burn the Patriarchy starter pack: a short list of resources to help you begin or continue your journey of dismantling the Patriarchy.